a year later

A year ago, we held our son as Jesus welcomed him into heaven. It wasn't the hardest moment.  There were many harder ones before, and many more painful ones to follow.  There was peace as we sang over him and let him go.  I was flipping through my journal from last year, and saw my … Continue reading a year later


Humans of New York has been featuring pediatric cancer patients this month.  It hurts but it's so familiar.  The pain of the parents, the sweetness of the kids, the agony of the doctors and nurses.   Sometimes it hurts to read about the healing that we wanted so badly.  Mostly it hurts just to read … Continue reading pain

Our Team

Clive had a great team. We had a great team. From Christie Clinic to Carle Hospital to OSF to the Children's Hospital of IL NICU to the Children's Hospital of IL PICU. All the doctors, nurse practitioners, nurses, techs.  Our team.It's really hard to capture how much they mean to us.  I think of them often.  Sometimes … Continue reading Our Team

not mine

Early in my pregnancy with Clive, I read and re-read and meditated on Samuel 1.20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the … Continue reading not mine