Defending by Surrendering

Sometimes God reveals new truth to us in moments of silence and solitude. The tragedy in this? I don’t seek these moments nearly enough. Here’s one moment when God revealed Himself as my Protector and Defender.

The following passage is an excerpt from Grieve, Create, Believe: Process Your Loss with Intention and Truth, Chapter 8: Courage

With an eager, childlike expectation, I tightly closed my eyes and asked God to reveal something new to me. My mind wandered and refocused, wandered and refocused, as the minutes ticked on. Slowly, an image began to form.

Against a fiery background, a warrior stepped forward. What is this? Who is this? I wondered. Arrows began to fire towards me, but the warrior’s large shield blocked them as his body took a defensive stance, grounded and sure. What are you showing me, God? I don’t understand.

Again, the warrior defended, raising his shield against an onslaught of arrows. For the last two years I’ve felt alone and defenseless. I’ve felt unprotected, exposed, and even unloved. What does this mean? As I took time to reflect on this image of God as my protector, I felt overwhelmed with understanding.

After Winnie died, I felt as if I had been left out in the wilderness alone to fend for myself. God seemed distant, as if He wasn’t doing anything to protect me from darkness and the Enemy’s attacks. Two years later, this image brought a deep-rooted sense that God was shielding me and that He had been protecting me all along. I was overwhelmed by the unseen battle for my marriage, my stability, and even my own life. Even though God did not spare Winnie’s life, I know that He protected me from harm that could have resulted from her death. He fights for me—and you—and does not draw attention to Himself for doing so.

My eyes were open to see a glimpse of the great battle and I am humbled to think I considered myself unprotected and abandoned. I recognize that those feelings are still valid, even if they are inaccurate. It hurts to feel left in the wilderness exposed against the greatest harm. It’s painful to realize that the One you trusted has done the unexpected. In these moments of great hurt, I must remind myself that the Evil One is set to destroy and bring calamity. God is fighting for me and protecting me from things I do not even know. He fights on my behalf. Although I do not understand, I trust Him.

I cannot, in my own strength, defend against the Enemy. I surrender, acknowledging that only God can fight this battle for me. I surrender my plan, my will, my weapons, and place my trust in Him. Surrendering isn’t weakness but humbly admitting God is able when I am not.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way Jesus our Master has embraced us.

-Romans 8:39 (MSG)

REFLECT: What ways is God asking you to surrender to allow Him to fight for you? What might God be protecting you from?

Read more like this in my book Grieve, Create, Believe. Now available on Amazon.

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