what’s with the shirts?

The why.   I love knowing the background stories, so I thought I’d share a bit today about why I’m making all these shirts and selling them to fund our adoption.  
In October of last year, I found myself (obviously) in a really dark place, two months out from losing Winnie.  My plans for raising Winnie been completely smashed.  I’d quit my job earlier in the year, and my job of “mom” was ripped from me again.  Sam returned to work, and I didn’t have anything to structure or govern my days.  I had little energy, didn’t want to interact much with people, found that my words were gone and I was unable to write, and I was very alone.  
I found myself deeply questioning my identity, value, purpose, and life.   I was still in shock and numb, and that protected me from an even deeper darkness, but I knew that something had to be done.  I remember a couple days spent in bed, begging God to give me some peace and to feel his presence.  I did not feel this, and it was incredibly hard.  Sam had to carefully pull me out of darkness and keep me from slipping away.  I knew that I needed something to give me a little boost in feeling support from others around me, something to do to keep my hands busy, something to give me the gratification of ‘work’.  
It all sounds so dramatic when I write it down, but I really think that making my first batch of Trees & Flowers shirts brought a tiny sliver of meaning back into my meaningless days.  My hands kept busy, and my mind was distracted, and a making some silly shirts just might have saved my life.
I know that there are other (and maybe easier) ways to do an adoption fundraiser, but making these shirts has been so much more than just trying to set aside some adoption money.  It’s been an outlet for my creativity, a distraction for my hands and mind, and a way to feel the arms of our community wrap around us.  
Thanks for doing that.  Thanks to the high school friends, college friends, family, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends, and the friends we haven’t met yet.  #ittakesavillage 
Shop on Etsy @ treesandflowersco.etsy.com to see all ten designs.  

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As an aside, (I always feel I need to make it clear, because it’s just so darn easy to assume we’re ‘better’ now) we have so much more to process, grieve, and heal.  We are still so far from ‘better.’  The numbness has continued these last 7 months, and we see the blessing in that–allowing us to take off tiny bites and process as we are able.  We’re taking more steps in intentionally working through and giving space for that.  Practicing rest, silence, and solitude.  (Netflix and wine—or another house project– is so much easier than intentionally grieving, but we have to know our limits.)  Thanks for listening.  

7 thoughts on “what’s with the shirts?”

  1. Lea says:
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    Thank you for sharing. How beautifully expressed. Loving hearing the healing, and learning how much your precious babies are a part of your life as you take this next step. And maybe the term better should mean to all of us, exactly what it says: better. Not, perfect, or whole, or back to normal, but simply: better. Than yesterday. Than the worst day. Maybe than tommorrow. And allow those who are suffering to never feel bad for not ever truly being what we perceive as “better”.

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