This room is different now, but I had to take some pictures to remember it this way.
It’s been many things in our 7 years here. It held our big old clawfoot tub while we renovated the bathroom. It housed lots of boxes and junk through the remodel and move. It eventually turned into a guest room, and even home for a college kid that lived with us for a month. Nieces and nephews slept on the twin beds in here. And a few years ago we moved the guest bed to another room, making way for a growing family. I can’t really remember what it looked like for that long while. Just empty and strange. Probably full of boxes for Mad Goat at times.
But when I’d gotten past that first trimester and felt more ‘safe’ it definitely became baby’s room. It’s funny to think that at some point we didn’t know it was a boy, and we hadn’t named him yet. I can’t imagine him not being Clive Samuel.
So we painted and decorated and took such care. It meant so much to make a special room for him. Some things were added later, like his name tag from the NICU room.
His room was adventure & safari themed. Our little explorer.
And somehow, even though he never came home to it, it was very much his. I’d sit and feel closer to him in this little place we prepared for him. I’d remember him, and try to imagine what his new home was like in heaven.
The closet was full of baby things we never used, and boy clothes he never wore. Most of it will be used for Winnie, or saved for a little brother, but oh how my heart wishes he could have come home and lived many years with us.
It was hard changing this room. I was SO excited to get it ready for our little girl, but my heart felt so torn. This is the only room I’ll ever get ready for Clive, because he’ll never need another one here. Of course, that’s a beautiful thing when I allow myself to really think of it, because heaven is so much better than anything I could contrive and create.
This room is different now, and it’s perfect in it’s own way. From an outsider’s perspective we look like the over-prepared first-time parents doting on our little girl. But we’re not first-time parents, and we’d so much rather be making room for our newborn with a 15 month old toddling around. I’d rather have a double stroller and 2 carseats in the backseat. I don’t let myself go there much, because it hurts. But even with our arms full with our precious daughter, we’ll always be missing our brave son. We can’t wait to tell Winnie all about him, and more importantly to tell her all about God’s goodness and love.
(pics of Winnie’s room coming soon)